


Sign #314 That You're an Addict

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode: s03e05 War Crimes, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 12:12:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6854185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"If you love me Leo; if you love yourself.  Please don't do this."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sign #314 That You're an Addict

**Author's Note:**

> There is violence in this story and it may be hard to swallow. It is not my typical CJ/Leo fare but it is another side of their story.

‘ _This is Leo McGarry, please leave a message_.’

“The next message I am going to leave will be with Ron Butterfield. It is after midnight Leo and your phone is never off. Please call home...I'm scared now. If I don’t hear from you in a half hour I am calling the police.”

CJ had already beeped her husband 911 twice. No response. Josh said he left the office at 10:30. Margaret was gone too so that meant he was gone for the night. Neither Nora nor Toby had seen him. Ainsley said he had not been to the Counsel’s office to talk with her or Oliver at all that evening. He could not still be with Adam Adamley; Donna saw him leave the West Wing around 10. CJ did not know what to think. So much had happened to them in the past few months.

First, the President announced to the nation that he has MS, just a day or so after telling most of his staff. Mrs. Landingham passed away and Jed Bartlet announced he would run for reelection and win. Bruno Gianelli joined them as a political strategist and they head to Manchester to regroup while CJ made a mistake that nearly ended her career. They come home from Manchester to discover she was nearly out of the first trimester of pregnancy. She dealt with the House of Representatives and got her swing back, the stress, the strain, and finally the miscarriage.

It had been two months since she lost her child. Almost six months into the pregnancy... she still woke some nights in a cold sweat. After the comfort came a freeze out. The McGarrys hardly spoke, followed it up with an epic barnburner, and came out on the other side. Were they stronger than ever? CJ didn’t think so. Burned, bruised, and battered was closer to the truth.

She was back at work and they were a normal couple again. Leo, however, had not touched her sexually at all. She was actually hoping to rekindle the flame tonight and he at least seemed receptive. Leo was supposed to meet with Adamley on the War Crimes Tribunal before calling it a relatively early night. His wife expected him by 10:30 at the latest.

CJ had candles, sexy music, massage oil, and lingerie. She sat alone on the bed in a tee shirt, having given up on the lingerie a half hour before. The scent of vanilla still lingered in the air though the candles had been out for almost an hour. Her anger had dissipated to a mixture of fear and hurt. Her worst thought was that he was avoiding her; CJ still could not shake the feeling that she somehow repulsed him.

The sound of a loud crash shook CJ. She jumped up from the bed and ran down to the kitchen. There sat Leo with an open bottle of Johnnie Walker Black and three half-full glasses. Two already lay shattered on the floor; liquor poured down the wall.

“What are you doing?” she asked. “Oh God please don’t drink that.”

As if he did not hear her, Leo threw another glass at the wall. Then another, and finally the last.

“LEO, STOP!”

“Just go to bed CJ.”

“How can I go to bed? What the hell is happening? Are you drunk?”

She tried to keep her emotions in check but the tears burned hot down her face.

“If I were maybe I would be numb.”

He was muttering; she could not tell if his speech was slurred. She walked further into the kitchen, trying not to step on any glass in her bare feet.

“Talk to me Leo. What’s happening?”

“Do you know that you are married to a murderer Claudia Jean?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I killed innocent people. Hundreds, maybe thousands.”

“It was a war Leo.”

She knew he was talking about Vietnam. 30 years later and some nights he still woke up screaming and sweating in her arms. Muttering in broken Vietnamese or calling the name of some fallen comrade. Sometimes he gripped his leg as if the injury were still there. He never talked to her about the war, but he did not have to. The war turned him into a drug addict alcohol; but the war also made him the Leo McGarry. Without the very bad the good could not exist.

“No.” he stood up from the table shaking his head. “This was murder! I could be dragged in front of The Hague, tried, and executed for what I've done.”

“You were following orders.” CJ reasoned.

“I am no better than Eichmann!”

“Don’t you dare say that! You were a kid, and... What the hell happened tonight? Talk to me!”

“I don’t want to feel anymore Claudia Jean. It sickens me to know what I have done.”

He held the bottle to his lips and CJ screamed for him to stop. Tilting his head back, she lunged at him. She had six inches and 20 years on him but Leo was a strong man. CJ tried to twist his wrist; get him to drop the bottle.

“Let me go damn you!” he exclaimed.

“Give it to me!”

Scotch poured all over the floor as they struggled. Leo finally got the upper hand, shoving his wife to the side. CJ slipped and hit the floor with a hard thud. She screamed in pain and clutched her ankle. Leo stared down at her, tears streaming down her face.

“Please don’t.” she sobbed. “If you love me Leo; if you love yourself. Please don’t do this.”

He stared at her and his eyes just seemed dead. He yelled, throwing the bottle out of the kitchen window. All the glass shattered and CJ covered her ears.

“Baby, baby, are you alright?”

Leo rushed to her side. He seemed a bit like his usual self and when he touched her ankle she winced.

“I have to take you to the hospital. This looks bad.”

“I can't go to the hospital like this. I'm not even dressed...and I don't want you to touch me.”

“You're hurt CJ. Look what I've done to you.”

He broke down in tears and CJ held him to her breast. She was boiling over with fear and anger but the sight of him so vulnerable shattered her heart. Leo cried for a long time, then sobbed before he managed to get his breathing and trembling under control. When he looked at her again she was crying too.

“Are you in pain?” he asked.

“It really hurts and I think it is swelling.”

“I'm taking you to the hospital, clothes be damned. C’mon, we have to get you off the floor.”

“You can't drive me anywhere...you're drunk.”

CJ spit the words at him as the tears returned. Leo crouched down in front of her, wiping her tears with the pads of his thumbs. She tried to move away but he held onto her.

“I did not have a drop, not an ounce. It is all over the floor.”

“Someone has to clean this up.”

He could hardly understand her through her tears.

“To hell with that; you come first. Baby lean on me; we have to get you off the floor.”

She did, and he pulled her up to the standing position. They walked through the kitchen into the den. CJ sat on the couch as Leo rushed upstairs to grab her sweat suit. He helped her dress then she limped out into the driveway. The agent who watched their house got out of his SUV.

“What's the matter Mr. McGarry?”

“My wife twisted her ankle; I have to get her to the hospital. And where the hell were you about 20 minutes ago?”

“I just got here sir. I will help you into the car Mrs. McGarry.”

“Thank you. I'm getting rained on out here.”

Agent Walker got them into the SUV and drove them to GW. He called ahead, assured no photographers were hanging around. It was a Tuesday; CJ got a room quickly. She could hear someone screaming nearby; the nurse told her it was a gunshot to the groin. Gang activity most likely.

“Who were you tonight?” CJ asked quietly. “It was like Mr. Hyde.”

They were alone in the room, waiting for a doctor. Leo sat in a slightly uncomfortable chair with his face in his hands.

“How about we don’t talk about that?”

“How about we do. You scared the holy hell out of me. I'm in the fucking emergency room for God’s sake.”

“CJ, you know that I didn’t hurt you on purpose right? I would never hurt you. I was... hardly in my right mind.”

“I don’t want to hear it. Just shut up.”

He reached for her hand but she kept it away from him. The doctor came in and asked all kinds of questions she was not in the mood to answer. She lied, saying she slipped on a puddle in the kitchen. Her ankle was certainly sprained but not broken. He wrapped it as CJ fought back tears of pain.

“It is a significant sprain Mrs. McGarry. Stay off of it as much as you can for the next three weeks. Then I want to see you back here. If there is pain over the counter Motrin should handle it.”

“I am the White House Press Secretary.” She said simply.

“Fine, but other than press briefings I want you in a chair with the ankle elevated. No argument. Mr. McGarry, will you make sure she follows the rules?”

“I will do my best.” Leo replied, trying to put on a smile.

“Good. I will get your paperwork.”

He left and the McGarrys looked everywhere but at each other. When he returned, CJ signed her paperwork in silence and climbed down from the bed with his help and not her husband’s. She did lean on Leo as they walked out of the emergency entrance, but it was Agent Walker who helped her into the car. Awkward silence filled the ride home. The Secret Service agent helped CJ into the house; she felt more comfortable leaning on his 6’2” frame. They were in the house with the door closed and locked before anyone spoke. CJ sat down on the stairs.

“Swear to me that you did not drink a drop Leo.” CJ demanded. “Swear on our marriage.”

“I swear.” He took a deep breath. “Under the War Crimes Tribunal that this Administration supports, that I encouraged the President to support, I could be tried and executed.”

“For what? I don't understand.”

“Adamley wants us to drop it. He was not doing a good enough job convincing me of the merits of doing so, so he told me that I bombed dozens of villages filled with civilians. Mostly women and children. In the war I flew a THUD CJ, bombing what I thought were enemy entrenchments, hotspots, and training camps. I did it for two tours and I never missed a target or failed a mission...even the night they shot me down. Hundreds of people are dead because of me. What makes me better than some brown shirt shoving the Jews of Krakow onto a train?”

“You did not know, that’s what? The fact that Adamley did and is holding it over your head when he needs to makes him the monster.”

Leo shook his head. He sat on the stairs beside her. He put his face in his hands and CJ stroked his hair while waiting for him to continue.

“Adam Adamley is a good man too. You were just a baby but it was a horrible war and a horrible time. We lost a lot more than those 50,000 boys and girls on that wall. I'm a casualty of that war Claudia Jean...anyone who was in Hanoi is.”

“Is he planning on going public with what you did?”

“Of course not. He was trying to get his point across. It’s just something else I will live with. It was almost behind me, you know.”

“It will never be behind you. But Leo, you cannot push me out and you definitely cannot repeat tonight, EVER!”

“I know baby.” He pulled her into a tight embrace. “My God, what would I do if you weren’t here? I'm so sorry I hurt you. I can't do it alone anymore.”

“Shh, you are never going to be alone. Home is right here with my arms around you. I'm right here and I love you.”

He held her close and CJ tried not to cry anymore. When she pulled away, tears brimmed but did not fall.

“I love you too.”

“I'm exhausted.”

“I will help you upstairs and then clean that mess in the kitchen.”

“Leave it until tomorrow.” CJ replied.

“The window...”

“The Secret Service is right outside. No one is climbing into the tiny kitchen window. Come to bed with me Leo.”

He heard it in her voice; they would finally make love tonight. He would be at his most gentle and CJ would demand more. She would arch her back, whimpering his name, and crying when she reached her zenith. Leo would hold her as she fell asleep though sleep would elude him until just an hour before the alarm sounded. His dreams would be black, better than gunfire and screaming. Tomorrow his life would continue as always, bills, laws, subpoenas, and reelection strategy. Jed Bartlet would quietly drop the War Crimes conversation and the White House world would continue to turn.

In the coming weeks, the nightmares would return. Leo would smoke too many cigarettes and think of a drink. He would go to every meeting and even have a lunch or two with the Vice-President. He would try to get CJ pregnant again...create a precious life for all the ones he stole. On the outside he would be the man they all knew and needed him to be. On the inside, his life would never be the same.

***


End file.
